Preschool
It is perfectly normal for children to become clingy as a side effect of separation anxiety. It is an important part of the development process. For the parent, a clingy child can be emotionally taxing as well as physically draining. Children that remain clingy for an extended period of time often have problems with it is necessary for them to be separated from their parents. There are some techniques for fostering independence in children.
Pay close attention to the times when the child is not being clingy. Notice what is going on to cause this feeling of independence. These are the things that you can include in your daily activities to help the child gain confidence. Encourage him or her to do more of these independent activities.
Whenever you have to leave your child, make sure that you say a proper goodbye. Many parents are tempted to leave abruptly because they know that saying goodbye will only cause tears. Saying goodbye helps your child to see that you mean what you say. Be honest with your child and let him know that you will be coming back. If the child is old enough to tell time, tell him the time that you will return. You can use other signals like a favorite television show or the end of naptime to help the child gauge your return. It is important that you return at the time you promise. This helps the child to see that you will come back when you say you are.
In situations where you will have to be separated from the child for a longer period time than you have before, it is helpful to build up to this time. For example, when children start kindergarten it is a good practice to start lengthening the amount of time that you and your child are separated. This helps the child become accustomed to being separated from you for an extended period of time.
A game of role reversal will prove to be effective in fostering independence in a clingy child. In this game you start clinging to the child rather than the child clinging to you. Grab onto him or her and say that you are never going to go away. Do this in a playful manner. Say something like “We are going to be together all the time. When I go to the bathroom and even when I cook.” It won’t be long before the child is playing right along with you giggling and asking you to leave him or her alone.
Another game that you can play with your child involves using a toy to demonstrate clingy behavior. Use one of your child’s toys, a stuffed animal or action figure. Attach the toy to the child in a sort of obnoxious way. Grab all the other toys and throw them across the room and say in a jealous tone “You only want to play with me, not with them”. The child will usually respond in an aggressive manner towards the puppet. This is all right. Just pick the toy back up and bring it back saying, “You accidentally hit me, but it’s ok, I’m back”. This will help the child to release some of the clinginess and dependency.
It is important that you do not become angry or irritated with your child’s clingy behavior. Keep in mind that this is a process that all children go through. At this point in your child’s life, you are the most important thing to him. It is only natural that he will want to be with you at all times.
Building your child’s security will help him to become comfortable being without you. Give him lots of love and attention. Cuddle up together. Play together. Spend quality time together. These are all things that let you know that your child that you love him. When you must be separated from your child, keep it to a short amount of time. Let your child get use to his babysitter or other caregiver before you leave him alone for a long time. Always keep your word and return at the time that you say you will. These tactics will all help to foster independence in your child
